how can u be prego again
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
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