my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
