oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
