After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
