On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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