Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
