i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
