UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Randomize
