Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
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