I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
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