We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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