Is it normal to miss your booty call?
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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