Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Randomize
