I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Randomize
