After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
