5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
