if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
