based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
