we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
