you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
