I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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