So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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