you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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