roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
