you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
