So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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