How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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