It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
