On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
