let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
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