Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
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