I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
