I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
