The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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