That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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