that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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