It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
