I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
well you can't waste a boner
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
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