i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
two words...techno handjob
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
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