he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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