you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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