why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Randomize
