can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
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