I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
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