Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
