I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
