I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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