are you still at the devil's house?
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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