I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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