Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
